Tonglen Meditation as Self-Healing

Posted on August 7, 2010 by Lasára Allen

Tonglen meditation is a simple practice of transmutation. It’s the process of breathing in “dirty” energy, thoughts, or feelings, and releasing them with compassionate non-attachment as pure light.

As opposed to the idea of breathing peace and calm into the body and mind, in tonglen we breathe in pain and suffering (dukkha) and transform it into peacefulness through non-attachment.

Tonglen is a world-healing practice. But when applied to the self, tonglen can have nothing short of miraculous healing effects.

When in pain, this form of meditation may seem like a counter-intuitive process. To breathe in your pain may feel like the last thing you want to do. Instead of breathing in that pain or suffering, it may feel more natural to push it away, stifle it, ignore it, or resist it.

But resistance is attachment, and the more resistance grows, the more the suffering you’re trying to avoid does too.

As a method of self-healing, over time the practice of tonglen can become an – if not the – automatic response to stress, anger, a bad mood, or general funk.

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) there’s a tool called anchoring. An anchor is a link that is created either causally (naturally, or out of habit) or intentionally between an object and a state of emotion or consciousness, or between one state and another state.

Conscious, intentional anchoring can create the induction of a more positive state from a negative one, or it can be used as a way to remind you of tools that can help to transform that negative state.

In the context of application of tonglen as a self-healing practice, any negative emotion can be an anchor that will remind you to use breath to transform difficult emotions into pure compassionate release.

How To:
1. Notice your suffering. Allow this to be a reminder that you can release that suffering through practice.
2. Still or center yourself for a moment. With a breath or two, find a calm place in your experience of the moment.
3. Notice the negative energy (dukkha) as a cloud around your physical body.
4. With your breath, draw that cloud of suffering into your body.
5. Holding your breath in your chest for a moment, center yourself in non-attachment, and allow the suffering to transform into peace.
6. Release your breath as an exhalation of peace and clarity.
7. Repeat for as long as needed to clear your suffering.
Any practice of tonglen meditation is healing the whole. In the healing of the suffering of self is the healing of the world.

There is no self, and there is no other. As one of the innumerable sentient beings pervading time and space, the work you do to free yourself form your own attachment is work toward the liberation of all.

As you clear the skandas, aggregates, becloudings, the veils of illusion in your own life, the healing you create in your heart is truly the transmutation of the suffering of all beings.

215800, Day 1 – Practice Makes Presence

Posted on June 8, 2010 by Lasára Allen

(Read about the 21*5*800 challenge here.)

Practice is called practice for a reason. We never reach the end of it. There is no end point to practice.

When we apply the word practice to spiritual pursuit, it can tend to gain some onerous weight, like there’s some goal to be reached. Some final gate to walk through. Some level of attainment we are supposed to achieve.

But when we take practice and apply it to the idea of a life-long pursuit, perhaps it makes more sense. Artistic creation requires practice. Long hours at the cello, in front of the canvas, at the keyboard.

Practice never does make perfect, and any illusion that it has is just an excuse to give up growth.

The same applies to healing. There is no “healed” – no golden moment of all our sins being washed away, of complete and permanent peace.

If we are lucky, we may find that peace, complete and perfect, though transitory, in moments of insight, meditation, prayerfulness, presence.

Sitting on a rock outcropping overlooking the Kinneret – the Sea of Galilee, I had one such moment. It was my birthday, and I was in the Holy Land.

(Yes all land is holy, but calling the Holy Land by this name is not inaccurate, and is the most politic way I can refer to the region that is comprised of Israel and Palestine, the war torn region plagued by broken hearts and broken lives on both sides of the ever-moving “green line”.)

Back to the rock out cropping. It was early dawn, and I had left the beaten path, encountered animals alien to me, let my heart overcome fear of walking in the gloaming hours through unknown territory, literally crawled trough brambled bushes and found footing on unsure soil to find this perfect place to greet the sun on the day of my birth.

It wasn’t a special year, just a special day. No decade marker, just the year I happened to respond a divine calling and left for a foreign land by the grace of a God I had a growing relationship with.

I found my special rock, this unknown destination, and prayed while the sun rose over Golan Heights. Light spilled, a cascade of gold filling a perfectly clear day in late May. As it hit the water below and in front of me, it became a golden road spreading in front of me. A road to nowhere, and road with no end, a road to the center.

I dropped into prayer, and asked “What next? What do you want from me next?” All of a sudden there was no next. There was only the road, and me, and where I was on it, with infinite possibility in front of me. I began crying gently, tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew I was already taking every step in perfect grace. That the steps I had taken already had lead me to this divine moment. That there was nothing more called for then perfect faith.

I settled into the awareness of total presence. Or rather, came present to total awareness. I held God holding me in the perfection of that moment.

And then realized I was also holding God. That the presence outside me was inside me, too. That perfection was present in every cell, every atom activated with passionate presence. I was nothing separate. I felt myself ceasing into waves of bliss, the heart beat of the Kinneret, the heart of the dessert, my own heart beating. The air nothing other than my own body. I ceased completely, held by, and holding, and ceasing all at once.

Sometimes awareness of divine states can pull us out of them. But this time was different. I stayed present in the echoing God that was not separate from my own being. Completely secure, and fully dissolved, I was the universe in toto.

Not that it was all me. I became the drop in the ocean, ceasing to be a drop any longer. I was the ocean. The ocean was me.

Rumi talks of this state, using metaphors of sunlight, of water, of drunkenness.

When we break through longing and come present in what is, that is where the road to peace, for one solitary moment, eternal, ends. There is nowhere to go, we are already there. There is nothing to strive for; we are already all that is. There is no longing; we are already home in the beloved.

A Sufi sage, philosopher and theologian, whose name I can’t recall at the moment says God (Allah – the One God is one god), cannot be contained anywhere but in the heart of his “slave”, or to use an easier word, his devotee. The actual quote I will find and tack onto the end of this post. *

Once God has taken over our heart, there is no more longing.

Unfortunately, sooner or later, this state of grace, or at least our attention to it, wavers. We turn away from presence, lose contact, fall away for pure awakening, lose our home in the heart, our own heart, the heart of God.

And then we are reduced to words. Words that will never offer the truth of an experience that is mysterious, the destination that is not a destination out of reach of translation.

There are places where words fall short.

* “My heaven containeth Me not, nor My earth, but the heart of My faithful servant doth contain me.” The Holy Quran, as quoted by Seyyed Hossein Nasr

I’m Grateful for 2009!

Posted on January 3, 2010 by Lasára Allen

Things I’m most grateful for from 2009

Getting married to my true and eternal love. It’s for reals, yo! Seriously now, I didn’t think that love like this was possible, and there’s nothing I have loved more to be proved wrong about that. I want to shout it from the mountaintops; TRUE LOVE IS REAL! I have been matched, not just met. For finding my twin flame, I will be eternally grateful.
My constantly renewing relationship with my amazing daughters. They continue making my heart sing. My pride in them is boundless. I love the way they learn, listen, love, laugh. I love the way they allow themselves to cry, ask for hugs when they need them, reflect our family values of gratitude, honesty, generosity, and friendliness. I love watching them grow into young women, sometimes slowly – and sometimes just a little bit faster than I’d like for a moment or two. Then I remember; “Your children are not your children./They are the sons and daughters of Life’s own longing for itself./They come through you but not from you,/And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” – The Prophet, On Children, Kahlil Gibran. They are becoming more themselves – more self possessed – everyday.
Learning trust. It’s a BIG ONE for me, and my man has been instrumental in helping me to confront and move through the fears that have previously blocked my ability to achieve it.
Learning honesty and transparency on a deeper level than ever before. This great gift has allowed, and is allowing for my true, authentic self to reveal itself day by day. It has allowed my defensiveness to drop, my stories to fall away, transform, change.

My gratitude practice. It keeps me moving into living the life I long to create. (I like saying it that way better than, “creating the life I long to live.”
My physical practice. Though I’m not perfect at it (that’s why it’s called practice, right?), it saves my life and my sanity. I am growing more committed and successful in it everyday. Especially with the half marathon I’m training for. My asana yoga, running, Pilates, boot camp, the sweat, the gentle burn, the increase in lng capacity, my heart growing stronger, the stabilization of my body chemicals; I would can’t live without it.
My increase in self-directed honesty and insight about bipolar disorder and how it affects my life. Again with much gratitude to my Mr. and to my girls, I’m learning how to manage a condition/disorder/disability that will be a part of my world for the rest of my life. My man truly understands how bipolar disorder affects me, and he’s learning to hear and notice my symptoms, and understand and support me me without judgment.
Opportunities to advocate for understanding of bipolar disorder like The Hot Mommas Project case study competition – and, like this one, right now. THANK YOU for listening/reading.
A final willingness to accept the help that new classes of medications can offer people who live with bipolar disorder. Even when I my meds feel like a block instead of a baseline, I find my gratitude for the stabilization they offer. Sure, there are things I’ve had to give up – like the Super-High of mania. But the manic high, just like many forms of “high” do, affected my judgment and made me a real bit*h to live with. I’ happy to becoming happy, trust-worthy, and trusting. Even if it means I’ve turned down the volume of life by a few clicks. The white noise got kinda loud sometimes anyway.

My new year's eve novena; a flowery and easeful, trusting prayer to Santa Teresita.

My growing comfort with and honesty about my conversion experience, and my conversion itself polytheism/pantheism (the religion I was raised in and practiced into my 30s – even to the extent that I was ordained as a Priestess of a Neo-Pagan church at 29) to monotheism. It’s bee a huge shift, and in the process I’ve lost touch with much of my community. (This part of it was somewhat unavoidable, though sad, and an area I would like to somehow mend.) But on the positive, there were many moments of growth, awareness, and unarguably miraculous experience that are traced in light and grace and tattooed on the surface of my cells in this romance with God, and the slow dawning of my true change of heart. This mystical transformation has been a grand, glorious, at times tumultuous love affair with my own wholeness. Ibn ‘Arabi says it perfectly; “My heart has become capable of every form:/it is a pasture for gazelles and a convent for Christian monks,/And a temple for idols, and the pilgrim’s Ka’ba,/and the tables of the Tora and the book of the Koran./I follow the religion of Love, whichever way his camels take…“
My relationship with God. How “It” is (I am) there (here) even when I forget that it is/I am.

For me, 2009 was an awe-inspiring, heart-shaking, challenging, revelatory, heart-opening, dream-manifesting, intense, liberating, life-changing year. Through it, I’ve grown into a new me. My marriage has tempered me, and revealed me. My children have grown me up through their own amazing growth. After two years in a shared cocoon, the Mr. and I emerge, pupua to perfectly paired butterflies.

It’s a whole new world.

I hope that your 2009 has been as amazing.

I trust that 2010 will bring more of what we all desire from seed to flower, in our abundant gardens of dreams.

Happy 2010 from Lasára and the Allen Household!

Posted on December 31, 2009 by Lasára Allen

Tired of New Years Resolutions? Why Not New Years Commitments, Intetionstions, and Fun?

Have you made any resolutions? Many of us make resolutions and then fail. Many of us make resolutions and then fail. I’m choosing to make intentions and commitments. But always with one cautionary caveat, which I encourage YOU to adopt as well; remember that while today is the first day of the rest of your year, this is also the first day of the rest of your life! And, this moment is the first moment of the rest of your physical existence. Every breath is a chance to make a new choice.

When you “fall short” of that commitment, offer yourself compassion instead of self-denigration, and gratitude instead of blame.

This new year, I’ll be making three lists. Each has a higher level of commitment 1: Commitments; 2: Intentions; 3; My “WHY NOT?” List.

List One; Commitments:

To recognize that every area of practice towards my own health is an act of dedication to the liberation of all sentient beings pervading time and space.
To recognize that serving my husband, my children, my family and my friends are part of my spiritual practice, and to treat it as such. And, to remember that this also serve the liberation of all beings.
To continue following the path that my gratitude practice opens for me.
To train towards my physical and fitness goals with passion and dedication. Failure is not an option.
To remain open to the idea, realization, (fact?), that love can be easeful, and that I am safe in it. And, safe in the arms and grace of my Mr.
Without expectation, to celebrate every anniversary and celebration that my Mr. and I can count as momentous; Valentines day when he moved in, reconfirmation June 26 in Seattle, August 12 when we eloped, Oct 3rd when we reconfirmed our vows, and Christmas when he was delivered to me – my greatest Christmas Miracle ever.
To build a circle of similarly minded friends here in the area, and to actively commitment to this as a practice of faith, desire, and love.
To continue working in acceptance of the choices I have made to support my growing balance and mental health, even when those choices feel like limitations.
To continue sharing my gifts with the world in whatever ways I am capable of at any time.
To continue trusting that God has a plan for me that is greater than I can see, and that every day I’m fulfilling that plan by living my life in as much consciousness as I can achieve.

List Two; Intentions

To begin praying and meditating again in a way that serves to ground and inspire me instead of making me too high and open.
To allow financial, desired, perfect abundance to enter and flow in my life, and have less attachment about how that flow occurs. To trust that God knows best how to deliver this abundance.
To follow the attraction and direction of my heart with grace, trust, and joy.
To invest in and develop forgiveness for myself and and the harm that occurred in my past.
More and more, to allow the support I so deeply desire.
To take what I have learned of trust, honesty, and openness from my husband and begin generalizing it to the rest of the world.
To hold regular gatherings as part of my community building adventure.
To close at least one book deal.
To write my next book, or books.
To shop Gratigories to a card publisher who may also want to publish my gratitude books.
To take trips outside the area more regularly.
To begin reading more books again.

List 3; My “WHY NOT?” List (next year and beyond):

Plan a belated honeymoon to Europe (Italy primarily) with my Mr.
Run a half marathon.
Work toward my best comprehensive health in my life.
Get yoga instructor 200 hour certification.
Trust that love and sexual sharing can be exactly as I hope for it; easy, safe, based purely in shared desire and trust.
Explore new religions. (Catholicism, traditional Tantra, deeper into Tibetan Buddhism and Tantric teachings and ritual.)
Explore excavation of darkness and shadow, in the light.
Go dancing.
Take a dance class (again after all these years).
Take a voice class (again after all these years).
Visit different churches just to see what part of me the services sing to.

And, my final commitment; to visit this page at least once every three months, and mark off the things that actually have a completion point, and star the things I’m doing well on that are a path without destination.

What are your commitments, intentions, or WHY NOTs? I look forward to seeing what you have to share.

And with wishes of joy, abundance, and greatest gratitude, a very heartfelt prayer for a 2010 that is beyond your sweetest dreams, from our home and family to yours.

In GRATITUDE! (heart here!)

Lasára Allen

…author, educator, activist, coach.

Tag Archives: practice

Tonglen Meditation as Self-Healing

215800, Day 1 – Practice Makes Presence

I’m Grateful for 2009!

Things I’m most grateful for from 2009